Why naps are fantastic!

     I just woke up from a wonderful evening nap. Naps are just the greatest; its like overtime sleeping. And the payout is doubled, just like overtime work. When should you take a nap? There are no limits. You can nap, like, whenever. The English Professor Mason Cooley once said "When you can't figure out what to do, it's time for a nap". And naps are great for stressful situations, because when you wake up from your dream of being the patriarch of an ideal 1950s family, you are more intelligent and alert. Ronald Reagan once said, "I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting". Oh, Ronnie Ray-Gun, you scamp!
     I know what you're thinking! You're saying to yourself, "Napping is Un-American! This guy wants to write about America, but he has no idea what's American! America is to busy being cool to nap! Oh, really? I understand that the United States is busy most days each year, but even America takes naps. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Martin Luther King Jr. day, all are just long naps for the country that leads the free world. So, why don't you consider that next time you dare to challenge my intellectual authority?
     Finally, naps are great because cuddling is the bomb. And whether you sleep cuddling a significant other, stuffed animals or some of those creepy-ass pillows with pictures of people on them, you wake up with increased levels of oxytocin, which we all know is responsible for both warm, fuzzy feelings and lactation.

     Nap-related events that are not American:

• Siestas
• Catnaps
• Psychoactive Drug-induced comas
• The length of the European work-week

     Why do you like naps? When do you take them? On a scale of Benedict Arnold to John Pershing, just how important are naps to national security? Do you fall asleep while reading this blog? Drop a comment or eight below!